Tendrils

All the bright and joyful memories you make
you may think on for a few seconds here and there
lives you’ve impacted, people who love you
these come to mind when conjured very deliberately
in a meditation, or when trying to calm down in a vortex
of death related panic;
existential crisis again

And yet so easily the hurtful thoughts arise unbidden
uninvited, or at least so you say, lamentations, regrets,
accusations against the self
the negativity bias is a bitch, for sure
these thoughts wrap themselves like vines perhaps,
or cold, icy tendrils, constricting your mind

The egoistic concerns, the envy, the fear
letting this go, and breathing in, holding it, breathing out
realise violence is the last resort, a defence only
I don’t know why we’re here, but I’m growing surer of that at least
think on love, compassion, kindness
breathe in white light
breathe out black smoke
eventually feel the grip of the tendrils relent