An existential panic
in a Japanese restaurant
pacing up and down
standing up, sitting down
Later a friend reassured me
‘you think you’re just flesh and bones?’
He said he didn’t fear death; as in the void
rather the punishment for his sins
If I can be convinced of a spirit realm
even the malevolent ones can give comfort
for what their existence implies
When I feel stressed I think of the Goldilock’s principle,
the double slit, the hard problem, and unanswerable whys
I try to calm down without relying on intoxication
drinks yes but also images; explicit, and addicting
I read about Guangxi in the Sixties
and was depressed for days
how could human treat humans that way?
How can such evil exist?
I need to believe consciousness and spirit are central to the cosmos
I need to believe good and love will triumph
I need to believe there is justice, and peace to be found
otherwise the game’s not worth the candle
And then I’ll buy a rope, a hero’s cape, and set a screen to explicit
for wrist slashing is too dramatic, too much of a pain barrier to overcome
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