Tag: Quick read

I Need to Get Away from Here

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

At first it was a spindly one, long creeping legs
summer’s heralds here are spiders and slugs
the long-legged spider guarded the bathroom door
so I held my piss and resented the little bastard

‘Being stuck here’s no good for my mental health’
a mantra I’d tell myself, but a cop-out too
why couldn’t I be stronger? Just not think on
all the painful memories, just clear your head,
to clear your path to escape

Later there were those thick black ones
almost furry with fat abdomens
they move fast, and when I found them in my room
they kicked me out, and I went without sleep

‘I need to get away from here’
I told myself for the umpteenth time
these past couple of years
as much to get away from the bloody spiders
as anything else

Yet also to get away from the memories
the ghosts you’d pass in the town
the voices of your parents bringing to mind hurtful times
the feelings of anger and hate when remembering
the wrongs done to you, your hands balling into fists
I’d imagine a scene of bloody revenge, and call it righteous
I don’t like who I am in those moments
There’s no shortage of scapegoats to take the blame off myself
for those pitch black feelings
for example there was this one big black spider, near the size of my hand

I couldn’t sleep at all that night

Like the Proverbial Onion

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

There’s this ball of energy; life force
it gets covered in so many layers
like the proverbial onion
covered in matter, flesh, memories,
experiences, wants, and fears
until it is weighed down
so heavy with the burden

It is so farcically easy to corrupt,
tear, and stain the many layers
and the spirit beneath
like spilling wine on carpet
or dropping fragile glass

Yet it is so difficult to heal and repair
the hands require such skill so rare
and even with the best efforts of
all the best trained
you can still see the scars
and things don’t work the way they used to
not anymore, not in this life

Rungs

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

Life is not a ladder to be climbed
with you kicking down at the poor souls
languishing on the rungs below

It is a musical thing, where you sing, dance and play,
you can flow in the compassion and universal love that
lured you in with its light and colour

Life is not a ladder to grasp at and cling to
where you pull at the feet of the lucky bastards
revelling on the rungs above

It is a playful thing, where you were meant to laugh,
love, create, share, build, and fuck

You can feel the demonic things without shame
but you can let them go too
They’re playing with you, laugh them off

Song about Drowning

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

It’s nice when you’re high
to say hi
to the spirits of the forest and the valley
and the river and the sea

Implore your lungs to sing a wee
little ditty or a shanty or a song
but when you’re trapped in your hurt, you’re not free
and it’s tough to appreciate the beauty of the forest and the valley
or the river and the sea

Drowning in intricate mazes of thought
come now buddy, wake on up
these habits are leading you astray, and taking you
far from yourself, far away
far away from the peace you crave

Anger keeps you trapped, you’re stuck in the mud
stuck in your past, your heels dug in
do you want to meet the spirits wearing such a frown?
Or carrying so many grudges?

Ceremony and ritual,
herb and mushroom,
chemical and plant,
you’re looking for pathways
but do you want to meet them
with lead in your heart,
black stones for eyes,
and feeling so weighed down?

It’s nice when you’re free,
to say bye
to the demons of your dark cravings;
greed and envy, anger and control

Whichever Comes First

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

I was pleased to see the old school had been built over
a new housing estate in its place
somehow it soothes the pain
yet the memories still remain
and they will remain until claimed
by death or dementia
whichever comes first

There will be more Deaths to Come

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

I see the pain in you, that I felt before too             
it does get easier, you do become desensitised
eventually you must, or else you can’t play the game anymore

What you wouldn’t give to see that smiling face once more
or to hear their laugh again
sometimes the traces of their life and love are left in your dreams
you awaken to find them slowly receding as the day’s light chases your ghosts away

Responsible parents are those who buy their children some rodent
or other small mammal when they are young
to teach them life’s rules
and with tenderness as they cry over their pet’s lifeless corpse
you say ‘sweet child these are the rules, and there will be more deaths to come’
and they will understand that their eternal ‘I’ must change too one day

Contempt Leads One Way

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

Contempt leads one way
You can pause and observe
how these unchecked feelings can lead you astray

Jealousy and rage drag you further away
from the child you were, a wise one who knew
life’s purpose was in kindness and play

Growing impatient and cynical is easy
you wear away as a flower wilts, or a tree bends
from nature’s and time’s forces acting boldly

You are the bark chipped off an old Oak
with cruel cutting, scraping tools
contempt has left you exposed, no robe, no cloak

You may not like what see when you cast your gaze
upon a mirror, and you feel the serpent crawl inside of you
that bitter regret for allowing contempt to lead you and leave you in this maze

What’s the Opposite of Thanatophobia?

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

‘Belief in the afterlife is just a fairytale
for those afraid of death; of their own mortality’
this sounds like something that needs to be repeated
to convince oneself of its veracity

What of those afraid of life?
are they not comforted by the oft repeated mantra,
the materialists’ recruitment slogan; ‘there is nothing after death’
you can never be hurt again, you are safe and sound

You are safe from pain, and safe from having to make hard decisions
decisions that can break your heart and the hearts of others
infinite darkness sounds like the real fairytale
that in one violent instant or at the end of a steady decline
we could be free from all of the world’s suffering and all of our kind’s crimes

Could we all be let off so easily? Enough of this dreaming
Awaken even though it’s hard
Awaken even though it hurts
Awaken because it’s hard
Awaken because it hurts

Let the Old Ways Die, Son

~ Yanagi Studios

By Thomas Caterer

Life is pain and suffering, in every breath
you take in the fundamental truth
every passing moment is a death
each transition transforming life

Our energy as narcissists drains us
as it gives us false power
drinking poison from the pool stains us
as we lose ourselves, lose real connections

Order disintegrates to chaos
Chaos recedes and order arises from it
Bitter sombre beauty lives in loss
In accepting death, I’ve let anger die, its pyre’s lit